Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
