my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
