Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
