i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
