Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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