did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
