ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
