at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
