So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
