Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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