Already got asked if we're dating
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
