so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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