In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
