I'm really into asian looking animals
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
