why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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