Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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