I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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