hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
