now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
