where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
