there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
