these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
