Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
