This is not my ceiling
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
