I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
