i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
