first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
