my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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