Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
