What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
