Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That accounts for only three of the penises
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
