Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
