I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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