oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
