I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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