My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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