yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
