My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
