I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
