I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
