Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ladies don't puke and tell
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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