I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's Friday. Sex?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
