He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
why do cheetos always look like penises
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
