I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
