Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Someone signed my nipple.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
