and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
