just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
