I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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