Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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