smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize